On this path* * *
Anguished hearts bleed,
Like Jacob separated from his son,
Like Majnun separated from his Laila.
Shaykh 'Abdullah Ansari
Truthfulness in Longing
...It is related that the Prophet used to say in his prayers: 'I ask of Thee, O God, the enjoyment of the life after death, of gazing on Thy face, and longing to meet Thee'. It is related that Abu' l-Darda' used to say: 'I desire death, longing for my Lord'. It is related that Hudyafah said: 'At death a friend comes in need: if a man regrets, he shall not prosper'. Shahr ibn Hushab is stated to have said: 'Mu'adh was afflicted with ulcers in his throat, and he said, Strangle me, if Thou wilt, for, by Thy might, I truly love Thee'.
'Ali ibn Sahl al-Mada'ini used to arise, when [men's] eyes were reposing in sleep, and call out in an anguished voice: 'O Thou, from the thought of Whom the hearts of His creation are distracted by the consideration of the regret which will come upon them when they meet Him! O Thou, from the longing for Whom the hearts of His servants are unmindful, though His hands were outstrecthed towards them before ever they knew Him!' Then he would weep, until his neighbours wept because of his weeping. Then he would cry out: 'Would that I knew, my Master, unto Thy fair promise: for Thou knowest what violent longing hath stirred me, and how long I have waited for Thee'. Then he would fall fainting, and continue so until he stirred to perform the morning prayer.
Al-Harith ibn 'Umayr used to say every morning: 'I have come to a new day, and my heart and soul are intent on loving Thee, my Master, and yearn to meet Thee: hasten then that meeting, before the black night cometh upon me'. In the evening he said the like: and so he continued for sixty years.
The man who longs after God is disgusted with this world, and with remaining therein: he desires death, and the ending of his span and lot. It is peculiar to him, that he seeks to be estranged from created things, and keeps himself alone in solitude and isolation: his occupation is with trepidation, yearning, grief, distress, sorrow; with the violence of his love his breast is choked, and blushing and incoherence overcomes him when the Beloved's name is mentioned, in Whom he rejoices; his thoughts are pure, his zeal is quickened, and joy stirs in his bowels as he seeks to meet [Him]. Astonishment comes upon him, surprise, and bewilderment, at the very thought of attaining his expectation of the Expected One, so that he utterly forgets all his portion in this world and the next, except the vision of Him for Whom he longs. Yes, then at that time he is confronted with a fear that is indeed fear---that he will not attain his Beloved, but may be cut off from Him, and barred from reaching Him, and veiled from Him. Then he fears lest any accident befal him, while he is yet in the abode of affliction: long seem the days and nights to him, until he shall depart from this world whole, and in a manner pleasing to his Lord.
Abu Sa'id al-Kharraz, The Book of Truthfulness (Kitab al-Sidq)
Foto: © Sadaf Latif
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